“Smile when you see people; they will start to like you,” I have read this a lot on the internet. It’s sensible advice, but they miss a very crucial part of it. If you notice, people who smile are liked, and people who everyone dislikes also smile. You can do everything a liked person does and still be disliked if you don’t stop doing things that make you disliked. I will tell you what you should stop doing if you want to be liked.
Before here is something important, you don’t have to be liked by everyone. You only have to attract people who like the actual you and not the image of you that you show, which fades away.
So, I won’t be teaching any tricks and ways to make everyone like you, which will most likely end you up miserable maintaining that image that is not you. I will teach you to avoid the things that make people(compatible with you) dislike you. So, compatible people love to stay around you, and you don’t keep any burden.
Don’t Do These Things If you want to be Liked.
You must have already met someone who smiles when he sees you, likes you, and is friendly. Yet still, he doesn’t have long-term friends, and the people he has as friends are the people who bear with him. He is the type of person in the friend group but doesn’t get invited to hang out cause he is annoying. Even though he is fun, he does some things that make everyone dislike him.
Here are some of those critical things that can make any person disliked. If you want to be liked, observe yourself for these things and avoid them.
1. Don’t Criticise All the Time
No one likes them. We are talking about the people who only criticize no matter what you do. They think they are better at everything and will criticize you no matter how good your job is. Let’s consider a guy name Larry.
You show Larry an artwork you worked on for months and made perfect. Larry, who knows nothing about art, suddenly starts to act like Bob Rose and criticizes you even if he sounds dumb. He ignores all the good things and finds little things to criticize, and that’s only what he does. Will you like Larry around you? Imagine Larry around you while you work. He actively finds reasons to criticize.
People don’t like criticism. If you criticize someone like explained above — criticism will put him in a defensive mode within a minute. His brain will recognize you as an enemy. He will start to prove you wrong or accept the criticism, but inside he will begin to dislike you, especially when he knows that you know nothing about what you say.
It doesn’t mean to say don’t criticize at all. Constructive criticism is a good thing and can help people to improve themselves. Don’t criticize all the time, especially where it’s not needed — it will kill your relationships.
What should you do?
Observe yourself when you interact with people. If you criticize people, try this exercise — do the exact opposite:
- Try finding something good in people. Whoever you meet and whatever you see, instead of looking at the bad points, look at the good points. Then give a 100% genuine compliment on the excellent point.
- Instead of criticising people try to understand — why they do what they do. It will breed sympathy and kindness.
- If someone does something for you, give honest, sincere appreciation, be hearty in your approbation, and lavish in your praise, and people will cherish your words long after you have forgotten them.
“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s figure out why they do what they do. That’s much more profitable and intriguing than criticism and breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness,” said Dale Carnegie.
Go show appreciation to your mom. Right now! Yeah! GO!
2. Don’t Cut Others
You are speaking, and he started speaking over you, completing your sentence, adding up to your point or contradicting it even before you finished speaking. You start to speak again, and he yet again interrupts you before you finish. I honestly wouldn’t like to talk with this kind of person.
Most people like this like to speak about themselves and listen less about others. Even if they are friendly, people start to dislike them because it makes them feel unimportant. No matter what you do, a guru says to become likable — if you speak all over others, they will dislike you.
The most unfulfilled need of a human is the need to feel important, which is only possible when any other human makes him feel. If you cut people while they are talking and don’t listen to them, it will make them feel unimportant. Slowly, they will start to distance themselves from you.
What should you do?
It’s ok if you find yourself doing something like that. It’s a very common thing people do. What you will do next time matters the most.
Here is some exercise for you to do:
- Wait for people to finish talking and talk when you get a signal from them.
- Everyone is interesting; something is interesting about everyone. Listen to people carefully and find what’s interesting to enjoy the conversation.
- For the course a person is talking to you, he is giving you his time; he should be the most important person for you at the time.
- Ask questions with curiosity.
- Assume that you are dumb – Listen and learn from whatever they say. You will grow very fast.
People love to get listened to because it fulfills their need to feel important. Doing these things will make others like and enjoy having conversations with you.
3. Don’t Brag
Don’t be Suneo. If you don’t know who Suneo is—he is a character in a Japanese cartoon, Doraemon. Suneo constantly brags about his material possessions and achievements, which is the thing that makes him disliked by the protagonist.
It’s not bad to talk about your achievements at all. But constantly talking about them makes the other people around you feel small. That’s what is cause they will start to dislike you.
Liked people also talk about their achievements, but they don’t try to make themselves feel bigger and more important by doing so. By doing so, people who brag don’t get bigger — they make the other person feel smaller.
One of the most starved needs of humans is the feeling of being important; if they feel unimportant and small around you, they will start to avoid you. They will avoid you doesn’t matter if you smile or are friendly.
What should you do?
If you find yourself bragging, take a step back, observe yourself for the behavior, and avoid it.
Try doing this for the opposite effect than bragging. Instead of making people feel small, make them feel important.
Bigger is not the one with more possessions and achievements; bigger is the one around whom people don’t feel smaller despite his possessions and achievements.
If you have more possessions and achievements than people around you, try and make them feel equal to you, that will make them feel important, and they will love to hang out with you. Bragging is not worth it; it will just push people away from you.
Wrapping it Up
Here is a good point to note, a genuine person always has some people disliking him. Only people who don’t have any haters are fake people. It’s a good symbol if some people don’t like to hang out with you. That’s a symbol that you are yourself.
But if everyone dislikes you and you don’t have long-term friends, that means you are doing something wrong. Probably one of the above three.
Search yourself for these 3 things and fix them if you observe yourself in them.
Here is a summary of all three;
- Don’t Criticise: Don’t go about constantly criticizing—Criticism puts people in a defensive mode.
- Don’t Cut others: If someone is speaking, it’s not your turn to speak yet—Speak when you are invited to.
- Don’t Brag: Don’t brag all the time — Bragging makes people feel smaller, and they will start avoiding you.
PS: What else have you seen in anyone you dislike? Comment down below!
You may like: Doing These 5 Things Will Make You a Very Likeable Person.